I… I hate this shirt.

Okay, I should back up. I see a lot of dumb tee shirts walk through the bookstore where I work, and that’s fine. I have some dumb tee shirts. That one from Topatoco where the T-Rex is facing down a meteor and he’s all “Run Mammals! We’ll take care of the asteroid!” yeah I can’t help but giggle. But the ones that set me off are those shirts that insinuate, or even explicitly state, that the reader of said shirt is unintelligent.

You know the type. “I see dumb people.” “You’re village called, they’re missing their idiot.” Those ones. I hate all of them. But this one, that I’ve seen twice now, is the absolute worst.

I even drew a picture.

I will now break down why I dispise this shirt, and anyone I see in it. The phrase “would you like to buy a vowel” implies that the rules for this shirt are the same as the rules of Wheel of Fortune. In which letters are bought with the assumption that they will fill in the blanks on the board. Once a letter is bought by a contestant, every blank containing that letter is filled. Yet, the “O” appears in the word “Idiot” and not in the word “You.”

This shirt is unable to fulfill the requirements of the rules it has set for itself, yet it calls the reader an idiot.

I really hate this shirt.

And the worst part of all of this is that in order to wear this shirt, to choose it for oneself and go out in public, the person who has donned this damnable cotton rag must believe he (I’ve only seen males in this shirt) is likely to be smarter than every person he will meet in public. Yet, he’s not smart enough to catch the glaring flaw in the graphic on this shirt.

I dislike tee shirts that say things like “I’m grumpy because you’re dopey,” because they are just begging for a fight. They set the wearer at odds with everyone, make a competition of intelligence, without ever adding anything funny. Because for real what are words on tee shirts for if not for funny? But this shirt, this fucking shirt right here, starts the fight from a losing position.

It’s like this shirt’s battle rapping with shit smeared down its face.

Anyway… I’m going to go drink some tea. I think I need to relax.