It’s been some time. I have been absent, but not inactive.
(When I do not create in specific ways, I think I have stopped moving. It is untrue. There are many ways to move.)
I am used to dwelling on my metaphysical self. The one that makes art. And over the last year, I haven’t done much art. But I have worked more on my physical self. The body I’d largely tried to ignore for uh… thirty four years now?
I had a series of bad falls and back spasms that are maybe linked to a car accident? Maybe a part of an injury on the job? It’s true diagnosis remained elusive, and I keep muscle relaxers on hand to treat the symptoms when they’re really bad. But I have found that steady use of my stationary bicycle helps more than anything to set those near-to-spasming muscles in my lower back back to order. It, combined with some strength training, has helped me feel like I have more control of my physical self.
I don’t know if I’ve lost weight. I don’t own a scale. It feels irrelevent. I know that I am stronger now than I was last year. And when my back has started to tweak, I have been able to fix it before it spasmed and set me crawling around my house again.
I am hoping soon that I’ll learn to manage both my physical self and my meta self. I’ll try not to beat myself up about the art until I do.