Surprises

I have been writing. Still. A lot actually. But I’ve also been preparing for a tremendous upheaval in my life. I’m pregnant with twins, and my husband and I are working to make our house ready for them.

We’ve painted their room in oranges and reds with a horizon of mesas and arches. We built new doors for the terrible storage access with real door frames and latches to keep curious children out of the crawl spaces. The work extends outside our nursery, to bright yellow paint in the hallway, a new blue swinging bench outside, a newly organized woodshop, and unneeded trinkets wrapped up and donated away. It has been a lot of work. It is in anticipation of a very different type of work that’s coming our way.

I was not surprised that this gestation period has turned to preparation. What has surprised me, while it really shouldn’t have, is the number of people who want to help us. It has been tremendously humbling. My husband and I are a lot alike; independent to the point where it can turn to oblivious. We love our friends, we love helping them, and sometimes we forget that our friends love us back.

We have had an outpouring of support, in diapers, in clothes, in helpful tips and devices that we’d never have thought of because we are in our thirties and I have never been a very motherly person. I can admit that. This is a new development and I think it is only fair that I am honest with myself about it. I want kids now. I am excited to teach them and care for them and watch them become their own people. And I am excited to raise them with Erik. He’s the only person in the world I’d do this with.

And I am so excited to know that I have a massive web of support around us. Much larger than I ever thought. Stronger, too. I know we’re not alone. The twins won’t be alone. Even when Erik and I get back to nesting and our quiet ways, I know we have friends. I am so grateful to all of you who have offered congratulations and encouragements and well wishes for the future. Those votes of confidence in my and Erik’s ability to parent have meant the world. This is a big adventure, and although we are both meticulous planners (him even more than me), there is so much that we will not be able to account for. And I’m not scared. Not really. Not as much as I feel I should be.

Twins! It’s crazy. Ten years ago, I might have said I’d never be a mother. And now I’m getting two in one go. The shock has worn down from that initial ultrasound, and now I’m just glad that I only have to do this once.

Because listen. Listen. Pregnancy suuuuuucks.